What is marriage, anymore? I feel marriage is nothing but a dream in the past that won’t matter in the future, it has already begun to seem that way. And we, as homosexuals are fighting for our marriage rights, but for what reason? I do not really think it matters and this is why: you have this piece of paper saying you’re married, but does that stop anyone from doing what they want? No. Does that one piece of paper determine if they will cheat on you or not? No. I say all this because my girlfriend is married to her husband. He knows she cheats on him, but he doesn’t know the emotional level of this…relationship…or even that we have this relationship. Today, I’m just missing her and I’m mad that I can’t see her whenever I please, but I made w choice to be with her. I knew the complications. And does she think of me when she is sleeping with him? And I feel like a walking contradiction because I tell various people to not get in someone’s marriage that way. However, I think I do it because I know that, in some way, I’m protecting myself from actually completely 100% falling in love with someone, but it doesn’t change the fact that the thoughts stir within my mind like a tornado tearing apart someone’s home. I need a home within myself. Is she unhappy when she isn’t around me? Is she thinking of me? Does she really have all these feelings for me? Is it a game of some sort? Who is to say she won’t do it to me, if ever we were a real couple who lived together, paid bills together, went grocery shopping together….. Why do I put myself in these crazy situations? Is it because this is what I am used to? What if there was some girl just waiting to settle down with me, would I go for it? I fear I would not. A huge part of me wants to be able to walk in the door and see my lover, every single day cook dinner, do small things for them all the time, but is that me? The inside me, yes. The outside is always different than the inside and I wish they would just match up. And maybe at some point, in the right moment, in that instant, the one will come along and there is no way I could ever see anything different than them. So, am I talking about myself now that I’ve started ranting about her? What if I were her, would I do the same?
Marriage
